Inside looking out

Monday was the first time that I realized how much our life has changed. Up until that day it was kind of like playing house. I had a new baby I could dress up and play with and take care of. Tim would come in and kiss us both and it was like a little fairytale.

The fairytale is still here but I realized that not everyone else is in my fairytale. I realized that our friends lives have not changed and that we will still be invited to events we went to before and bringing a baby does not always work out so well.

On Monday we went to our friends for a fish fry. I was so excited to get out of the house with Hailey because Tim had been gone for two days and Hailey and I were all alone. Tim and I talked on the phone and I told him how alone I felt at home with just Hailey. He commented and said "I guess she does not say much huh". At this stage in her life good conversation is the last thing on her mind=)

Hailey and I had a wonderful couple days without dad at home but by Monday night I was ready to go and talk to some adults! So we packed up the stroller and walked to our friends house. On the way there I realized that it was a bit chilly out and was wondering how this would all work with Hailey if we sat outside like we use to do before Hailey.

When we got there everyone made a big deal about the new baby and wanted to see her. We sat outside for about a 1/2 hour with tons of blankets so she didn't get cold. After that I decided she needed to go inside, which meant so did I. At that point I realized that I could not just hang out with our friends and drink because Hailey came first.

Some of our friends followed me in for a little while but then made their way back outside. The hostess of the party was awesome and kept us company for quite sometime before she had to return to her other guests. I can't blame her or anyone else for going back outside. Heck if I had the chance I would have been outside too!

That is when it all hit me. Here I am inside, looking out the window on all my friends. They were drinking, having a blast and here I was inside holding my baby and surprising to me it kind of hurt. Not that I would ever, ever give back what we have now but I also missed the freedom I use to have. I think all new mom's feel this at some point. Or at least that is what I tell myself.

Shortly after going inside Hailey and I decided to walk home and cozy in for the rest of the night. Back at home I realized that I LOVE my new life and even though I might have to be that person on the inside looking out, I would not trade it for anything! She makes it all better just by being in my arms.

Side note: Next time we will get a sitter for Hailey so mom can enjoy a night away sitting outside with friends!